Resume of Career Catastrophes

First off, on my way to the interview I was asked if I were a working girl. While that might have been more financially rewarding than what lay ahead, I tried to, as graciously as possible, turn down that stunningly awkward proposition.

The mass transit experience was not wholly unpleasant, likely due to traveling in the opposite direction of pretty much all traffic at that time in the evening. Coming home I managed to just squeak onto the bus, which is good, because waiting a half hour wasn’t really something I relished.

Now… for an interview’s first question to be “say, do you suppose you could lose about 20 lbs…?” is never a great sign. I fought the urge to drop an F-bomb and smiled sweetly. Turns out that (allegedly) the person whose spot I’d be filling had a major cardiac incident. Listen sweeties, weight is ONE factor to cardiac incidents and although I am a pretty heavy hitter in the body mass department, I do not (knock wood) have any major health defects. So… we got the massively inappropriate questioning out of the way right away and I am more than a little concerned that some Oglebunny is probably going to be chosen over the less svelte but more competent me. (And I frikkin LOVE the term “Oglebunny”). The other concern is that the previous person did not drop dead from their cardiac incident so, ummm, aren’t they coming back to their job?

Moving on… I seem to have suitably impressed interviewer number one who called out interviewer number two. I am not as certain that I impressed interviewer number two but they did ask for my references before I left and I have no worries at all about my references.

BUT… here’s the kicker. They didn’t even have a copy of my resume. Neither of the interviewers, quite frankly, had very good interviewing skills. They WANT an Office Manager, they just don’t want to PAY for an Office Manager. I got the very distinct feeling that I may know more about running a business than at least one of these guys. I certainly know more about computers and social media. If they only want someone temporarily until their superstar comes back, I’m willing to live with that, but I don’t want to be surprised 3-6 months from now when she’s ready to come back and I find myself suddenly de-jobbed. Also, the job doesn’t pay very well at all and 90 days is a damn long time to wait for a salary review when you’re forced to rob Peter to pay Paul for 3 months and, honestly, getting a $5 an hour raise is unheard of, to my knowledge.

I am convinced that they have had trouble finding and retaining quality help because they do not do things like have resumes in hand and know anything about their candidates before they come in to the office. I will be interested to see if they call any of my references (and I WILL know if they do) or if that was a bluff. Given the fact that they OBVIOUSLY don’t know anything about Employment Law or legal/illegal interview questions, I can see where the whole reference thing could get quite ugly. Fortunately, I have superstars for references and am not at all concerned.

Bottom line is that if I don’t get this job, it won’t be because I didn’t try. I worked my ass off “selling myself”… but they’re going to take the rest of the week to interview and “try” to decide by Friday. Send me good vibes and send some bad juju to the Oglebunnies!

So, did you ever have a situation where you were not only worried “what if I don’t get the job” but ALSO “what will I do if they offer me the job?” because you weren’t really sure that this was something that you wanted to do but you were so hard up that you really need to take any job that’s offered to you (especially since the damn carpal tunnel is acting up and giving wristies behind the local 7-11 probably wasn’t the best move vocationally)… Yeah, that’s the sitch I am in at the moment. A virtual “damned if I do, damned if I don’t” situation and I honestly do not like it one little bit.

Also, a little notation to the place that I traveled 6 friggin’ hours to for an interview (round trip, but still)…thanks, you schmucks, for not even having the courtesy to send a form email telling me you didn’t want to hire me. I didn’t tell you how long the journey took me, but you sprang tests on me that I ACED and then you didn’t even send a form email out? I would have been PERFECT for that job.

I’m beginning to think that the reality is that I really don’t have the skills I need to do the work I’ve been doing. I don’t have any other skills, other than doing office work but I honestly don’t enjoy it that much. I can’t imagine what else I would do at this point in my life. Odd to be my age and have no clue what you want to be when you grow up.

Ok, so… I have an interview set up for Monday. Which you would think is a good thing. It’s Downtown which will mean the commute should be pretty easy (yay for public transportation) and the best benefit is that I would have an office and there is a window in the office.

Now for the quandry. The job pays teeny tiny monies. More than minimum wage, but not enough for Ms. Cleo to live on. It is 10K a year less than my last job and the smallest salary I’d have since 1997. (Starting in 1998, I was making 3k a year more than this job pays, starting in 2000 $5k more and starting in 2003, I’ve always made at least 10K more than this job pays).

And yet, it’s the first interview nibble I’ve had in 3+ weeks.

When you start a new job, you can’t exactly say “I have an appointment I need to go to….” and I really want to find a job I can stick with so I can get 3-5 years of steady employment under my belt.

And yet, it’s the first interview nibble I’ve had in 3+ weeks.

So… I am pondering whether I should take a job that guarantees that I am going to have to get a second job which may be premature because I haven’t even been to the interview yet. For all I know, they’ll hate me or they’ll find someone else that they want to hire.

We’ll see how things turn out.

This has not been a great week for Ms. Cleo. Much drama. And a call from an agency that went really awry.

I got a call from an agency representative (allegedly, at least) and we had a little discussion about my experience and all seemed to be going as it usually does in these situations. And then things went… weird.

She told me that it was her professional opinion that I had been “grossly overpaid” for most of my jobs in the last decade and that I “must be a problem employee” whose employers keep me on “out of pity” because none of my recent contract work has lead to being hired on. I was informed that GOOD contract employees are ALWAYS found a job within the company they are contracting at and that she believes that I must be “a real piece of work” to have so many short-term positions. She is sure that I may have been TOLD that the contract ended but she’s pretty sure that they just got my sorry ass out the door and then hired someone who is intelligent and competent.

Yeah, so…. I don’t think that agency is going to be much help to me. I don’t know if this woman was having a lousy day and decided she needed to call someone she could be a bitch to or if maybe this is some insane Craigslist person who posted an ad and then called people who responded and claimed she is with an agency. Or maybe she once upon a time worked for the agency and is now on a campaign to make sure people don’t work with them. In any case, it is an agency I’d attempted to work with before and gotten treated hideously so I wouldn’t have been inclined to try again anyhow. But, yeah… this did NOT do wonders for my self-esteem.

How is YOUR week going?

So, got contacted by a headhunter who has a great job, that I can do, right up my alley, really decent pay and….. I can’t frakkin’ get there. It’s in a place not accessible by public transportation (but would be a not unreasonable drive).

This is so maddening/frustrating. And there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. Without a job, I can’t get a new car nor can I afford to (I believe futilely) throw money at getting the old one fixed.

Grrrrr!

Nothing too exciting as the first day of the year comes to a close. Same shit, different decade.

Craigslist ads are a good source of entertainment but they are not proving a really good source of actual, legitimate jobs. Not that I am relying on Craigslist, mind you. I am just getting to the point where I am sortve scraping the bottom of the barrel looking for options.

Have some SERIOUS issues to iron out, though, my friends. And sooner rather than later. Where I am going to find the money to address the issues is another whole story but… we do what we have to do until we don’t have to do it anymore, right?

Hope y’all have a magnificent year. Hope that you got nice holiday bonuses or at least managed to avoid the latest Reduction In Force. I’ll let you know if/when I find something. I’m still sortve hoping Ross Perot needs a good Executive Ball Washer. I believe I have just the right soft cloth to buff those big bad boys to a blinding shine!

We all have a point at which we survey our situation and realize that we’ve pretty much hit bottom. True enough, I’m not giving wristies out behind the local 7-11 yet, but I am doing the cyberspace employment search equivalent and searching the Craigslist employment ads.

Generally speaking, there are two types of ads on Craigslist. The jobs that promise you can nap all day on company time for which they will pay you $50K/year or the jobs that want you to pretty much run the company AND scrub the owner’s balls (preferably with your tongue) for minimum wage.

I have come to believe that Craigslist job ads are some sort of Psych 101 test designed by a teaching assistant whose favorite prof has started buffing the undercarriage of a new TA whilst relentlessly teasing the TA who is being cast aside. That and it is a phisherperson’s paradise. “Hey, do you think if we tell the applicant that we need to run a “consumer report” that they’ll e-mail us a copy of their ID and Social Security Card?” (Yes, this has ACTUALLY HAPPENED. I responded to a job ad and they emailed back that they wanted to have a copy of my ID plus a copy of my Social Security card PLUS my banking information (for direct deposit, ya know).

I may have been born at night, but it wasn’t LAST night, honey and I didn’t fall on my head when I fell off the turnip truck.

Let’s face it, with a resume of career catastrophe’s like mine, I really need to find a place that I can stay a few years and at least have the appearance of being a “lifer” for some company. It would be really nice (and I know this is wholly unrealistic) if the place were not a holding pen for drama llamas and highschoolish cliques. And being paid more than tiny monies for the privilege of tonguewashing someone’s balls would be a super bonus.

I’ll be honest with you… Ms. Cleo is getting damn tired of the whole job hunting thing. I spend enough time on the computer that wristies behind the 7-11 is only going to hasten the inevitable carpal tunnel and I refuse to do hummers on unwrapped candy canes because most dudes do not find the safety goggles to prevent bodily fluids being liberated into my eyes a real sexy look (although, Rule 34 does apply and some guys dig that look).

Thinkin’ it is likely time for bed.

As tempting as it is to completely “BAH HUMBUG” this holiday season, I am going to share a little something that made my holiday season brighter.

Have yourselves a Happy Holiday Season. I’m gonna kick back and have some ‘nog. I’ll hit the boards again on Monday.

Today was an interesting day.

Recruiter #1 calls. Has a $tiny monies an hour job (she sent me the job description… the scope of the work they want done is a $tiny monies + 5-$tiny monies + 7 an hour job, minimum). I tell her I’m not really interested. I hang up. I panic. Because $tiny monies an hour is $tinymonies an hour more than I’m making. But it’s a contract. 6 months. 45 minute drive away. But, $tiny monies an hour is $tiny monies an hour more than I’m making. I call back. I talk her up to $tiny monies +2 an hour (grudgingly, but it’s still a pretty substantial pay cut and I haven’t worked for so little since 2002). I’m willing to bet the employer is going to tell her I’m not worth it.

Moving on… Recruiter #2 calls. She got my resume from a colleague. For the life of me, I can’t remember if recruiter #2 even told me her name (bad sign). Recruiter #2 has a job that actually pays decently. Still in the same far away location but it’d be a “real” job. And then the “zingers” came at me… “Well, I’m a little concerned that none of the places you’ve done contract work have wanted to bring you onboard….” I was hired to cover specific workloads. Once the overwhelming deluge of work was done, they didn’t need the extra help anymore. There was never even the HINT that there would be something more for me at these jobs. And then she mentioned something about possibly interviewing tomorrow and I asked to know if that was a sure thing because I’d make sure to have the vehicle tomorrow and out comes “Oh, so you’re going to have transportation issues…?” No. No transportation issues. For the five years that my situation has been what it is, I’ve never had transportation issues.

She promised to call and let me know by 4:00PM. No call and it’s now WAAAY past 4PM. Nonetheless, I have made arrangements to have the vehicle at my disposal. So when she calls at the last minute, my happy ass will be prepared and RecruiterLady will be all surprised.

I’ve played this game, lady. I’m sure I’ll play it again. But, I’m very good at it. I’ll cover my bases, you make your move. But don’t for a minute think that I am not aware of what you’re doing. What I can’t figure out is WHY you’re doing it.

I am, at this point, sortve betting that I won’t hear from her again. I won’t be surprised. Why do I say that? The person she got my resume from promised to get back to me in the next day or two over two weeks ago. I finally ended up emailing him and getting told that the hiring company had decided to interview other people. Well, dandy… could you have taken 3 minutes and sent me an email saying “they don’t want you”? Why, oh why, is that so hard?

In any case… I’ve got my game face on…so let’s rumble!