So, the “days since I was last employed” counter continues to tick away the time. And depress the everlovin’ hell out of me. I have a phone interview tomorrow. The job would be ok, but it is a contract job which means that, in a few months, I’ll be right back here doing the whole search thing again and for how long next time?

I want the job I interviewed for last week. I want them to call me today and offer it to me. Even if I can’t start for 2-3 weeks because they don’t want someone to start until March, I still want the offer today. Because if I get offered this contract job before I get offered the other one? I sortve have to take it and it makes you a real asshat if you back out of a contract. And the people who hire contractors…. they talk to each other… so you don’t want to flake out of a contract. I know you’re going to tell me that people do it all the time and I just have to tell you that maybe OTHER people do, but once I make the call that I am going to take the contract, I really feel like I HAVE to honor the commitment.

But I can’t exactly call up the company and say OFFER ME THE DAMN JOB, even though I really WANT to do that.

And so, my friends, I am sortve in a funk. Because I need a job and there is no guarantee that I will be offered either of these jobs but I really WANT the long-term job because I am SO over the whole job-hunting “thing”.

If you will note, my counter is still ticking away. Another week has passed and I have still not one freakin’ job offer. I don’t suspect I will hear from the folks I interviewed with on Wednesday for a couple of weeks, if I ever hear from them again. That leaves me with a couple of potential contract positions and I think we know my “par for the course” with those. I am not exactly what you could call “enthused” or “pleased” at this point in time.

The job from Wednesday, let’s call it “OC” would be a full-time, regular position. There would be benefits. From what I was told in the interview, I am guessing the salary would be about tiny monies +3, which is borderline acceptable. I am not so concerned with benefits as I don’t even remember the last job I had where I had them and I’ve been ok. Commute is not wonderful but not horrible.

Contract job #1, let’s call it “FM”, is a 6 month contract, high probability that it will be extended. Low probability it will ever become a “real” job. Pay is “Whoot!”. No benefits. Commute would probably be tolerable. I was, by the way, supposed to hear something from these folks by now. Yeah, that didn’t happen. But it seldom does.

Contract job #2, lets call it “CO” is a 6 month contract. Low probability for extension. NO prospect for it becoming a “real” job. Pay is “Whoo!” (a step below “Whoot!”) No benefits. Commute would be…LONG. This is allegedly supposed to “move quickly” but I guess that means something different to me than it does to the recruiter.

Still, at this point, I want the “OC” position. I don’t want to have to be looking for work (for God knows how long) again in 6 months. I’m TIRED of that. If I could have the 4-5 months off and not have to be worried about paying bills, that’d be one thing. But I am not “enjoying” the time off because I constantly worry about keeping the bills paid and a roof over my head.

Also on my mind right now is a friend who is MIA. This is someone who does this from time to time, but this time it’s been longer than usual and I am getting nervous. Not a damn thing I can do about it, though. ::SIGH::

Late last week, I was contacted at 11:55AM via email about an open position. I am well-qualified for the position and responded by email AND by phone at 12:01PM (so, about 6 minutes had elapsed…) I got no response. I called 4 more times that day and left messages plus sent another email. To date, I have heard…. NOTHING.

Thus, I decided that Mr. Hit & Run Recruiter is not serious about me and I have nothing to lose. As such, I have faxed the following…

Dear Mr. Hit & Run Recruiter,

You had contacted me on Friday, Jan. 29th, 2010 about an Administrative Assistant position in Glitterville, USA.

Since then I have made numerous unsuccessful attempts to contact you. If the position has been filled, that’s fine, but it would have been courteous for you to have sent me an email to let me know it had been filled. Heck, you can even set up a “form email” for these situations and then it takes all of 2 seconds to hit “send”. I’ve done hiring and I know it’s tough to respond to every applicant, but in any position I’ve held that I was a part of the hiring process, applicants were never left wondering the status of their application.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

MsCleanslate

P.S. – The next step is to track you down, come to your house and boil a bunny on your stove. Please save the bunny, he’s awfully cute and you really don’t want his blood on your hands, do you? (Actually, since you’re pretty obviously a sadistic idiot, maybe you’re into bloody bunnies… I mean, what kind of person contacts someone about a great job and then never responds to this person’s desperate attempts to secure an interview for said job? It’s obvious to me it’s just the sort of person who would whip out a big bottle o’ ketchup upon finding boiled bunny upon his stove…)

The words “must have reliable transportation” have become the bane of my existence. Because what it really means is “must have vehicle available during work hours so you can run our bullshit errands and get us a latte! and don’t spill it or get decaf!” This also weeds out anyone who, for whatever reason, relies on public transportation to get to/from work. Most of the time the people who rely on public transportation to get to/from work could also be classified as “underprivileged” or “disadvantaged” or, in street parlance “broker than a celibate ho”.

I suppose you MIGHT get away with claiming that you use public transportation and eschew having a car because you are “green” if you look like an emaciated non-meat eating pseudo hippie who has enough sense to wear a business suit but still reeks gently of patchouli and sandalwood. But there are really VERY few people who can successfully pull THAT off. I am certainly not one of them.

There is no real hope for solving the transportation dilemma on the horizon. I am wondering if maybe I can convince an employer that a burro is “reliable transportation” AND an excellent source of fertilizer as I will need to leave it to graze on their lawn while I am slaving away at my job. I suppose I could also claim that it will cut their lawn maintenance costs. I mean, isn’t that a GOOD thing? I will have to find employers with big lawns, though… cuz you don’t want the grazing and pooping to create any ISSUES. (And do we really need any additional issues if we already have “grazing” and “pooping”)?

Ok. So. Maybe a burro would be a hard sell. And there’s the whole dilemma of having to find a burro in the first place. And convincing the landlord that it’s really a sortve large, funny looking dog.

I thought that maybe a scooter would suffice and be all economical and suchlike BUT I think that most of the drivers where I live would just drive right over a scooter and barely notice that there was a “thwump” sound when they hit it. Bicycles fall under that same fear + they would guarantee I’d be sweaty and that is SO unattractive.

I had an interview last week. It went really well. They wanted someone to start on Monday . I heard nothing and so assumed that, once again, I’d done something wrong and didn’t get the job. Sure as shit, got a brief email today saying that while I was “impressive” someone else was a better fit.

Had a phone interview today for a job that pays tiny monies. It is in a call center that is open 24/7. They expect you to be available for all shifts, including weekends. With no vehicle, I can’t get there on weekends. So, basically, I had a phone interview today for a job I cannot possibly accept in good conscience if they decide to hire me.

To say I’m a tiny bit frustrated would be a gross understatement.

I don’t understand how I possibly blew the interview that I thought went well. Everything they needed done, I could do. I had experience in all of it. I was willing to accept the tiny monies they were offering for pay. I was willing to commute the hour and 45 minutes (or 14 minute drive…. friggin’ public transportation!) And… again I didn’t make the grade. WTF? I’ve NEVER had a time when I had a half dozen interviews and got ZERO offers.

I don’t know what to think anymore. Could it be possible that I found and moved to the one place on Earth where they hate me even more than where I moved from? I am beginning to think that must be the case. Maybe some mass memo went out to all area employers from the netherworld from whence I moved saying “Do Not Hire MsCleo… she sucks…. and not in the “fringe benefit” sort of way”…

I had sortve figured that it would be quiet job-wise because of the holiday. I was right. I DID get a psych eval for a job I applied for and did the eval. Whatever. It is what it is and I just freakin’ deal with it because what else can I do? I do try to appear to not have the crazy, though. But, they ask you questions like “Which is worse? a) stealing from your employer b)raping your employer c) murdering your employer?” I am not quite sure what the proper answer is there but I am thinking that they would rather be robbed or raped. It’s sortve fun as a former psychology student to try and figure out the balance between “honest” and “sociopath”.

I’m stuck on another thing I’m working on and it’s pissing me off. I hate having to rely on other people to finish shit. Also, the more I think about the guy that asked the illegal and offensive interview question, the more I really want to go back to his office and kick him in the balls. But I know that would be pointless because it wouldn’t teach him anything. My secondary plan is to figure out how to make sure his business tanks. Because that’d be really satisfying. I think it’s sad that his customer base is older people and I think if they had any clue how he talks about them, they wouldn’t be so thrilled about the company. And no, I won’t name the company or the guy because I don’t want to give him the free publicity.

We shall see if tomorrow is any better. I am not holding my breath.

It’s disappointing when you go on an interview and feel it went well and then… the phone is silent, there is no new email and you know, you just KNOW that they were not as into you as you were to them. If they really like you and want to hire you, the follow-up is swift. If it doesn’t come right away, you are likely not their first choice. I know this because I’ve done interviewing and hiring and if you like someone and you want them, you call them right away. Even if you haven’t seen all the candidates yet, sometimes you just know you’ve seen “the one” and you call them right away. And then you interview the rest and hold them to the standard that “the one” set. If someone matches or exceeds that, you have a special file for people you will give your next available opening to/people you will call if, for some reason, “the one” is a bummer.

And then there was today’s recruiter call. I called her back right away and left a message and she took her sweet time calling me back. The job was an entry level HR position. I told her about my background and she asked “Have you done sales?” Wait…WHAT? This is an HR job, there was no “sales experience needed” anywhere in the ad. As soon as I said no to that she couldn’t hang up the phone fast enough. Here’s a hint… if there is a specific NECESSARY skillset, you need to PUT IT IN THE AD.

So… to recap:

Monday= Interview (for which I received rejection on Wednesday)
Tuesday = Call from recruiter who I called back and left 3 messages and she never deigned to call me back.
Wednesday= Interview (they’ve not called/emailed me or my references)
Thursday= Call from recruiter who advertised a HR position, wanted unmentioned sales skillset and from whom I will never hear again.

Nothing on deck. No prospects. Monday is a holiday so I will hear/have scheduled JACK SQUAT on Monday.

I’m getting really tired of this. Can I just get a job already?

I got rejected by the company I interviewed with the other day. You know, Mr. Illegal Interview Question? Yeah… that guy. And I know that I didn’t want the job that badly but that I can’t even get a job with a second-rate, two bit organization that flagrantly casts aside regard for the law stings a little bit. What, were they afraid I’d try to make their business legitimate?

I was likely rejected because of both my voluptuous body and my offbeat name.

Well, I hope the Oglebunny takes DICKtation well and that she doesn’t get carpal tunnel from handling Mr. Wizard’s Magic Wand.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a vat of sour grapes to stomp into a lovely foot wine.”

Memorable quotes for
“Monk” Mr. Monk Gets Drunk (2005)

[after finding out how his favorite Cabernet is made]
Adrian Monk: I’ve been drinking that wine for fifteen years! It’s Foot Wine! I can taste it…
Natalie Teeger: Oh, come on, you cannot taste it!
Adrian Monk: I feel like I can taste the feet… the toes… and what’s between the toes…
Al Nicoletto: And the fungus. It really is barbaric.
Natalie Teeger: Okay, I didn’t see any fungus! Look, I’m sure they have clean feet, there are probably rules about that stuff…
[She trails off as the grape stompers walk past them, stepping barefoot on the wet, muddy ground]

So, yeah… Mr. Interviewer last night said he’d be checking my references “first thing” today. It’s now 4PM and nary a peep. (Which I know because I have access to one of the office phone caller ID histories for one of my references and nary a call today. At all.)

So, the lesson here is any interview that starts off with a highly offensive and quite illegal question is one that you should likely just drop an F-bomb and walk away from.

The result would have been the same, but more satisfying.