mscleanslate

Have you ever had a day when no matter what you tried you couldn’t focus? Today was that day for me.

The first couple hours at work went fine. I got things done, had a plan for the day, everything was going along. I get a meeting notice right before I was scheduled to go to the Project Managment meeting so I let the boss know there was a conflict and went to the meeting he’d pinged me about only to find that he wanted me in the Project Management meeting which I then ended up walking into late. There’s a good feeling. (*rolls eyes)

The afternoon was a disjointed mess made even worse by the fact that while I LOVE Indian Food, I really should have some notice that’s what I’ll be eating because my stomach let me know for the rest of the afternoon that there would be a rebellion.

I sent off a couple of emails and got the “I can’t approve the attachment IF IT ISN’T attached” email (you know, the one that lets EVERYONE know you’re an unfocused idiot?)

My former boss has a client who tracked me down but found my PERSONAL email address on the internet and rather than use the address that is frakkin’ EVERYWHERE, she chooses my personal email which ticked me right the fuck off. At least I found out where she found it and was able to change it! (Huzzah!)

I’m finally getting some tasks at my new job. It worries me to hear them say “…since you have an IT background…” I hope that doesn’t mean they think I am a programmer or something, because I’m not and I thought I’d made that clear at the interview. If they just mean that I understand how software works and should work and know how to make software do what needs to be done, then, yeah, I can probably do that. But, it’s come back to bite me in the ass that ‘well, you said you’d done programming…” Noooo…. what I said was that I worked with an independent software development team and did Project Management and Public Relations and some Marketing and I did some cat herding and made sure that programmers stayed on task and knew what they were supposed to be doing and acted as a liaison between management and programmers and designers but no, I’ve never done any programming myself as that is not where my intelligence lies. And I’d never represent that I’d done any programming, either.

So, I am waiting for whatever this task list that they’re formulating is going to be and am getting worried about it and don’t really want to lose this job and have to look for another one and there was nothing about needing an IT background in the job description and I am sure that my predecessor wasn’t doing any programming or anything…

That being said, given the correct circumstances, I could likely be an awesome Project Manager/Cat Herder and nag people about deadlines and deliverables and crank out awesome Gantt Charts and stuff.

I also get the feeling that I am asking an awful lot of questions and the folks I am working with aren’t quite used to that. I’m a “clarifier”… I want to know what I’m doing, why I’m doing it and what you expect the outcome/output to be. I conjure up a number of “what if” scenarios because I know that “shit happens” and I want to know when I’ll need to have a Plan B.

I hate new jobs, because I always feel like I’m trying to be the “good girlfriend” and doing way more than expected to make sure they like me… then, when I back off to a “solid production” state there is a bit of a letdown because I’m there to produce, not necessarily impress.

Speaking of producing… I’d best get the dishes washed!

Dear Former Co-Worker,

Ok… So I know you read my blog. You really need to examine why it is that you feel threatened by the fact I know you read my blog. Seriously. Get over yourself. Think about it… what in the Hell am I going to do to you? Do you REALLY need to hide on Facebook now?

I’m over the fact that you got hired and I didn’t. You had the right stuff. I didn’t. It was a business decision. Congratulations. You have a college degree. I’m happy that you could afford to go to college. Hooray for you!

I feel like an idiot now for feeling you were sincere in your well-wishes when I let you in on the fact that my last day was my last day. You really had me fooled. But this sort of thing is exactly why I didn’t want anyone to know. Because I knew people would say things they didn’t really mean. Like you did.

You’ve got a good job. You’re respected in the community. You are a Native. I’m an outsider who can’t get a job. Do you REALLY think that I would even TRY to do something malicious to you? Well, don’t worry. Don’t worry one iota because up until now, I actually respected you. I thought it was awesome that you didn’t care what the company we worked for told me very pointedly we were NOT to do and you just went after it, damn the consequences and it worked out well for you.

Don’t worry… I won’t embarrass you when you’re walking with your family down by the river and pass by my van. I won’t offer you any government cheese. I won’t panhandle from your kids.

Hate and Pinches,
MsCleanslate

Sometimes, I don’t even have to be working to have a calamity to add to my resume. In the moment, these things were NOT funny… in retrospect, though, some of them are.

I was on my way to an interview. I was in the heart of downtown. I was crossing a street. It was a particularly windy day and I had on a rather billowy skirt. A gust of wind came along and blew my skirt right up into my face. Yep. Undergarments exposed to the world (yes, they were clean) but as I batted the skirt back down I saw the absolutely horrified businessman who had been crossing the street slightly behind me. He muttered “disGUSting” as he scurried past. It wasn’t as if I flashed downtown on purpose, ok? It was a “wardrobe malfunction”.

I got to the building I was looking for, rode the elevator up, hit the ladies room to make sure I wasn’t looking too “wind tunnel” and went down the hall to my interview. The receptionist ushered me into the posh corner office of… that’s right… the disGUSted businessman. Who looked at me and said “I think we both know we have nothing to discuss”, stood up and ushered me out the door.

That, my friends, was the shortest interview I’ve ever had. But, let’s face it, who wants to work for someone who blames you for an act of nature?

My second interview that day, which I had the ability to access via the skyway system, thus saving me from having to brave the elements once again, went off without a hitch. I didn’t get the job, but at least I didn’t have to face someone who’d seen my underwear!

Let’s say you’re the district manager for a retail chain.

You supervise 6 stores.

You have a store that is not doing well and everyone from Grunt #1 to the Manager has given notice, so now you have to re-staff the store.

Staff at this store complained that they were not trained to do their jobs.

The Manager is quitting because she is “burned out” and has just done everything herself rather than delegating things and having them done incorrectly.

Would you stick with the management style you’ve been using, which is telling employees to “figure it out” if they ask you a question? Would you stick with that management style when you have new employees telling you that at 2 weeks they don’t feel they’ve really had the training they need and feel like they SHOULD know things but don’t?

Your company’s policy is that everyone is trained to do every job. I applaud this. But is “figure it out” training? Just because that was YOUR training doesn’t make it CORRECT training.

Am I wrong to look at this situation and think there is a “disconnect” happening somewhere?

Dear Potential Employer,

Please do not advertise for a job you want to fill two months from now. Most people looking for jobs need a new job pretty quickly. Haven’t you ever noticed that by the time you offer the job to the person you REALLY want, they’ve already gotten a job? And yes, we can tell when we weren’t your first choice.

Please do not tell me you “want to get someone hired as soon as possible” and then not contact me for a month.

Please don’t tell me that the job doesn’t hinge on the psych tests you’ve given me to take. I know better.

Please don’t have me take a bunch of tests when you really aren’t interested in me. Please understand that the testing makes me nervous and how I do on a typing test is not reflective of my typing skill. I’ve typed nearly every work day for the past 20 years and for at least the last 15 or so, I’ve typed copiously on my computer at home every night. Also, stop using tests that ask me to do things I would never do in a real job.

Please have the courtesy to at least send me a form letter when you aren’t going to give me the job. I’ve submitted about 115 applications to a local employer for 115 different positions and have 115 rejection letters…so, I know it can’t take much time to whip one out. Heck, email me a form notice… at least then I won’t be waiting for you to make a decision.

Please don’t have an internal candidate all picked out and use me to fill some stupid HR quota. Give the job to the person you were going to give the job to anyways. That’ll also save your internal candidate weeks of agonizing over whether they are going to get the new position.

Please don’t ask for a recounting of every single job I’ve ever had. I’m like a mutual fund… past performance is not an adequate measure of potential future performance. My personality has changed alot in the last 6 months, nevermind from a decade and a half ago.

Please don’t automatically assume the worst about me. I’ve been laid off alot. Not fired, not terminated for cause, not quit because I just felt like it. There are many companies I’ve worked for that don’t even exist anymore, so you won’t be able to call them for a reference.

Please, for the love of God, don’t make me sign a release that says you can talk to anyone you want about anything you want. I generally get along well with people, but you are always going to find SOMEONE who didn’t think I was the greatest thing since they put rootbeer in bottles. Stop looking so hard for that person, ok? Additionally, people tend to remember bad things more easily because they had an emotional response to it.

Realize that you get what you pay for. Just because you CAN hire someone right out of high school for $8 an hour doesn’t mean that you SHOULD. Yes, those kids do need jobs, but you are going to end up going through six or eight of them before you finally realize that you need someone with experience and people with experience can’t work for $8 an hour (we don’t live with our parents anymore… we have bills to pay)

Please don’t think that you can call a job “receptionist” and expect to pay “receptionist” wages when what you really want is an Executive Assistant (who does about 3 times the work of a “receptionist”)

Don’t think that just because someone has a degree that they’re smarter than someone with 15+ years of experience. A degree just means they could pay for college and remember things long enough to pass tests. And, think about it, how intelligent is it to take out $50, 000 in student loans and then go to work as an Administrative Assistant? With what Admins are paid, it will take their entire working life to pay off those student loans.

Don’t have a policy that new hires don’t get any paid time off for a year. Especially when someone has been out of work for a while, we’ll take the job anyhow and then, six months later when we catch the flu, we’ll come to work and get everyone sick because we don’t have any paid time off to take and went into debt when we were out of work so can’t afford to take an unpaid day off. Honestly, it really is more cost effective to give people PTO in that first year (you will have much more loyal employees and ones who are able to be more considerate of their co-workers and keep their germs at home).

Lastly, please always give an employee their birthday off as a paid holiday. Trust me. This is a GOOD idea.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

Your potential new employee