mscleanslate

“…we’ve decided to fill the position with a lemur…”

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Ok, so… I went on the interview a while back and haven’t heard a peep since. I’m thinking that means I should write that off and move onto the next thing. I sent a very nice thank-you letter (as you are supposed to) and have heard nothing. Is it really so difficult to send off a form e-mail “Thank you for applying, we’ve hired someone else/you’re not what we’re looking for/we’ve decided to fill the position with a lemur, please destroy our number and never again darken our doorstep”.

Flash forward to the fiasco of the day. I got a call from a recruiting agency. I returned the call as instructed. About a minute into our conversation he VERY abruptly says “Yeah, listen, I’m gonna have to call you back, I have another call” **CLICK** So, here I am at my desk, holding my breath for the call back. Given that I was told he’d call back 40 minutes ago, I’m thinkin’ that maybe, just maybe, homeboy isn’t going to follow through with that. Just sayin’.

Yesterday, I got a call from a recruiter (seeing a pattern here?) and actually GOT the follow up email she said she’d send “right away” about 2 hours later. I filled out the attached form, scanned it, emailed it back, got acknowledgement that it was received and… that’s right… not a peep since.

I was browsing ads yesterday and came across a really good job. Read the description and it was a perfect fit. Then I read the last line of the ad “Must have a SPOTLESS credit record, no exceptions”. Now… my credit isn’t bad. But I surely cannot call it SPOTLESS. Sigh. My theory is that their last Admin (and this was for a job which has NO financial responsiblities) embezzled an assload o’ money or something. I dunno, I think that one’s credit report is a really poor indicator of what sort of employee someone would be. But, this may be why I am not in management.

So… at the moment. No job for me. No good prospects. Guess I need to think of a good “plan B”.

Interview Enigma

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So, I ventured out on an interview today. I hate them. I hate the waiting AFTER an interview even more.

Did you ever have an interview where you got absolutely NO clue about whether it went well or not? Thus was my interview today with “Gus”. I call him that not because it’s his name, but it seems to fit.

Gus is an older gentleman. I think he would have done well selling used cars because he says the same thing over and over but pretties it up and obfuscates it well. Rather than give a name to any of their projects they were discussed as “the current project” and “the future project” and, well, there are many appealing things about the job, not the least of which is the mostly home office aspect of it and honestly, I think it’s a cakewalk sort of job but… I got no real feel for how Gus was feeling and he had a weak, limp handshake, which I hate.

I do think it’s sortve telling that ol’ Gus didn’t really ask alot about me. And called me by the wrong name twice. So, I am not holding my breath and will move on as if I still need to look. We shall see how things go.

The Invisible Visitors

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So, a couple of posts ago I had mentioned that I was booking travel for some people. Or trying to book travel and meeting resistance to giving me adequate answers. Very frustrating. In any case, I understand that they did arrive (and there were no visitor badges for them which Euroboss was trying to say was because I didn’t do what I’m supposed to do but Facilities Dude came down and apologized for having dropped the ball). Fine. Whatever.

Anyhow, they’ve allegedly been here two days and I’ve not seen hide nor hair of them. At all. Which is fine with me. That probably means they don’t have anything to complain about as far as their accommodations (which I gave them a dozen recommendations for, they didn’t hear what they wanted to hear which was “go ahead and stay at the $200 a night Hilton” so they asked someone ELSE in my group where to stay.) Fine. Whatever.

I went out and got the Wedding Gift for the Dude at Work who is getting hitched. Pretty good haul, if you ask me.

I think I suck at Fantasy Football. But I’m not dead last. Yet.

That’s all I have for tonight! Sleep Well!

All roads lead to AAARRRGGGHHH!!

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So, here we are… contemplating moving and needing to find jobs and running into one brick wall after another. Sure, they’d love to move forward with the hiring process, just come on down on Monday morning…. GAAAHHH!!! I’m still a 14 hour (one way) drive away from being able to do that. (Insert foul language here)!!

Want to rent a place to live? Sure, no problem, just fill out this application with the first friggin’ question on it being “where do you work and what’s your income?” GAAAAHH!! I don’t have a job there yet so I don’t have a job or income. And, of course, no one in their right mind will rent to someone with no job/income because rent relies on being able to pay.

Ok. So. Now what? We can’t get jobs THERE when we are HERE. We can’t get housing THERE without having jobs. And at the end of this month, neither of us will HAVE jobs and we have nowhere to live lined up and we are, in a word, screwed.

If ever an equation begged for (and then a miracle occurred) this is it.

Diva Princesses Don’t Impress Me…

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So, a few months back we had a woman come and interview. And all of my male co-workers (which is all but one of the rest of the “team”) were falling all over themselves like horny teenagers because the lady has the “gigglejiggleteehee” going on like nobody’s business. I was a little intrigued that when you google her name the first thing that comes up is her Facebook page. (She has a rather unusual name and her picture is there so I know it’s her). Anyhoo, not surprisingly, they offered her a job (unbeknownst to me before they hired her was the fact that apparently “gigglejiggleteehee”is a highly sought skill in our field).

So, she started this week. And all I have heard out of her mouth is complaints. And all I can think is what a colossal pain in the posterior it is going to be to have to work with someone who has been around for less than a week and already looks at me like I am something nasty she stepped in.

I have really tried to be nice and welcoming and mentioned that if there is a specific type of soda she likes I can certainly try to get it into the rotation when I go shopping. (Hell, I bought rootbeer for the guy who has backhandedly said to my face twice now that he thinks I’m stupid). But I’ll be honest and say that the whole whiny diva thing gets old with me very quickly and I struggle to give a damn. Certainly, if there were legitimate issues that needed to be addressed, I would do so with haste. As I did for the gangly youngster who also just started and who very politely asked me what he needed to do to get his issues worked out (which I was able to take care of in just moments).

I should have known what to expect when she pulled the Princess calendar out of her bag and hung it up in her cube first thing. (No lie, she has a PRINCESS calendar) ::Sigh::

Another Open Letter

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Dear Person for Whom I Have Been Tasked With Booking Travel For:

I have asked you the same very specific set of questions twice now. Without the information I have requested, I cannot book your travel. Every day closer to your arrival, airfare will go up. I’d think you’d want to step it up a bit, my friend. But, let’s imagine for a moment that you don’t give a rat’s ass about the budget. How about the fact that you’ll end up traveling on a red-eye? Does that make you want to step up the pace?

Seriously, it isn’t that difficult. What day do you want to travel? Sure, you’ve told me when you’re visiting but are the first and last days your travel days? I’m sorry I can’t intuit that for someone I’ve never met.

Which airport (of the 2-3 possibilities) do you want to fly out of? Which do you want to fly in to? Again, I’m sorry I can’t intuit that for someone I’ve never met.

Which hotel do you want to stay in? Do you get free booze & porn at the TwoShrubbery Hotel, which is where most of your compatriots want to stay even though it’s double the policy-approved room rate? Do they have a super cool “hookers and blow” package that I’m unaware of? (Corporate Code = 69-Eightball)

And hey, now you say you’re booking the flight on your own? Super. Thanks for waiting til 4:44 to tell me. Ah, yeah, I know you’re in California and don’t care that I want to go home.

Wait a minute… you got to California from your home office SOMEHOW, yet you’re trying to tell me you’ve never booked travel before? I was born at night buddy, but not LAST NIGHT!

If you’re smart, you will not leave your hotel booking to me… I will set you up at Motel 6 and make sure to write your room number on some bathroom walls in “that” part of town so you’re sure to get company whilst you visit.

Hate & Pinches,
Ms. Cleanslate

Taste the rainbow… of PANIC!

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So… I have told you that I now have to do all this sanitizing in the office so people don’t get the flu. I am thinking that body disposal (of co-workers who contract said flu) would probably fall into the “other duties as assigned” heading on my job description.

Trying to think of ways I can parlay panic into an advantage for myself, I hit upon the notion that one of the nastier parts of my job is washing the coffee cups. Even if I am using soap, there’s the fact that the water in the sink I use never gets above lukewarm, so the amount of actual sanitizing that happens is minimal. Of course, I COULD dip the cups in a nice bleach solution but then I’d just hear about how the coffee tastes funny and these folks are HARDCORE about the taste of their coffee so bleachy coffee would likely be right out. So, I’m thinking… can I get them to sacrifice the “green” factor of reusable cups for the sanitary factor of not dealing with other employee’s saliva? If so, then one of the bigger nasty parts of my job would be gone. Huzzah.

But we also got to see the “pandemic” plan for the complex we work in which has a handy colour-coded chart and all sorts of instructions on how to keep the place running with a skeleton crew of folks who, I guess, will have to walk through some sort of bleach solution and have their orifices scrubbed with a boar bristle brush before they are cleared to get to their workstations every day. If I am reading the plan correctly, you would come in through the designated entrance, undergo some sort of probing to see if you are diseased, if your colon is clear of diseased ecoli, you can then proceed to your workstation but you may not have any contact with the outside world during the day without slipping into a body condom, gloves, sterile hat and facemask. I am envisioning a uniform like this:

They would probably prefer that sanitized employees just stay in the building but since they don’t plan on having any sort of food service nor will they allow anyone in to stock the vending machines, I would envision something like this ensuing…

or even this:

Which is to say that while the flu may not be pretty, tech folks held hostage without any junk food may be even less pretty.

We’ll see how it goes. I imagine they’ll all go out and get their flu shots or, ya know, maybe they’ll just have some dude in a pith helmet come and shoot folks in the ass with flu vaccines. Ya know, I might volunteer for THAT gig!

An ounce of prevention = more hours of busywork

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So, in my first weekly meeting with the boss since the meeting where he had his panties all in a wad about the freakin’ picnic, I was informed that due to concern about the flu, I will be responsible for sanitizing all workstations every week.

That’s right, kids, I get to go around and clean off everyone’s phone, mouse and keyboard plus wipe off all “shared” surfaces (breakroom I do everyday anyhow) like doorknobs and the like.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I understand that the flu is serious business and we don’t want people getting sick and then coming to the office so we all get sick, etc. But this is an office of grown, college-educated people. Are you SERIOUSLY telling me they can’t go to the breakroom, grab an a cleaning wipe and wipe their own mouse, keyboard and phone? Oh, right, these are the same people who cannot wash their own coffee cups or put a soda into the mini fridge after they’ve taken one out to drink (except whomever drinks the Maximum Overload Cola who decides that THE WHOLE DAMN FRIDGE needs to be filled with his/her soda).

And I am guessing that the theory is that having me touch all of the equipment that is allegedly all germy won’t make me sick because skullery maids have some sort of super immune system. I’m of the mind to get some Thieve’s Oil and whip that shit on them… I know from personal experience that Thieve’s Oil is da bomb for all things that antiscepticizing. I mean, it’s based on a formula that thieves used to use back in the days of the freakin’ Black Plague. They’d rub themselves down with this stuff to rob the bodies of the dead and somehow manage, through the antiseptic properties of this oil concoction, to not contract the plague themselves. So, hey, Swine Flu… BRING IT!

Have I mentioned I won’t be sad to move on from this job?

Dodging the Boomerang

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Today was supposed to be my first meeting with Bossman since the morale-killer meeting (I can count on one hand the words he has spoken to me since), but I got another reschedule request today.

I am not looking forward to tomorrow and the meeting that will probably happen. I have the sneaking suspicion that he keeps rescheduling because he’s waiting to hear something from someone up the food chain (like the Big Boss Man getting his medical bill after the “way too much fragrance incident).

Will let y’all know what happens. Way past bedtime now!

Smellin’ like a….

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I did some major cleaning at work. The thing is, when I clean no one ever seems to notice (because I don’t let things get out of hand in the first place, mainly) so I decided to make an impression and use heavily scented products to clean with. Which, ya know, would have worked fine if my co-workers didn’t have allergies (and weak immune systems because they sit at desks all day and then go home at night and sit in front of the computer…. and… oh for the love… I just described MYSELF)

Anyhoo… my effort was noticed.

Just wish that there wasn’t the threat of dire consequences attached.

In other work news… my boss has stopped speaking to me. While the peace and quiet is nice, the feeling that he’s looking for a reason to fire me is not so nice.

Would write more but I’m exhausted.