Some days I don’t know about myself…

Major changes goin’ on at the office this week. Promotions (not for me), people leaving (not me, yet), etc.

Biggest thing is that Tudie is taking another job within the company but NOT within our office. Yes, that’s right, Tudie, my nemesis, will be GONE.

All of these changes mean… JOB OPENINGS.

And I’m not sure how to feel about that. Especially since they did interviewing today. About 12:30, bosslady tells me that if I am interested, I can apply via the company website. Why am I being told this today? The day that you are interviewing and hoping to make a decision? I applied for a different position 2 weeks ago and haven’t heard a peep. I don’t think that HR will even process my application by the time that the decision has been made. And I’ve already been through the humiliation of applying for a job (as a contractor who was seeking to be hired on by the company they were contracting with) and not getting it, so if it happens here, I will be no stranger to that whole dynamic.

No matter the outcome, I am both fascinated by and terrified by the prospect of seeing how the other newcomers will be treated. (Because of all of the changes, there are 3 openings). And exactly how do I handle it if they are welcomed and embraced (whilst I am still an outcast and can only imagine it will be worse if they don’t offer me a position).

Paranoid Me then kicks in and thinks that they wanted me to apply so they could reject me and then terminate my contract early because it would be so awkward to have the temp who you had intimated in the interview might get hired on stick around when you passed them over for a position. I mean, logically, if you factor in human nature, wouldn’t there be worry that I would try to sabotage the other newcomers out of spite over their having been hired whilst I was passed over?

The reality is that I KNOW that they wouldn’t buy out my contract to hire me. I KNOW that. So do they keep me as a temp til the end of my contract and then pick me up as an employee? Knowing that none of the work I am doing as a temp will count towards my employee time and I will lose holiday pay and all of the other employee benefits? Knowing that I will be held to the standards of an employee, not a temp (required to work overtime and weekends, for example)?

And honestly, after the way I’ve been treated so far, do I HONESTLY want to work for this company in this department anyway? Honestly? The honest answer is “NO”. But it is counterbalanced by the fact that I wouldn’t have to struggle through interviews anymore.

So, it was with a “better the Devil you know” mindset that I submitted a damn application. Even though I’m pretty sure I don’t have a snowball’s chance in Hell.

And I am soooo (she said sarcastically) looking forward to having to submit to another drug & alcohol test.

I’m pretty sure that either outcome will be a disappointment (getting an offer/not getting an offer).

Can I just win the lottery now?

More waiting…

I met with The Borg today. I was GRILLED for an hour. Why, when it CLEARLY STATES on my resume that I have been working contract positions does everyone ask me why I can’t hold a job for more than a few months? Listen people, I had two contracts EXTENDED. I was rehired by one agency for a second contract position. But because I haven’t had a job for 3-5 years with one company (due to contract work, downsizing, companies going out of business, management decisions to cut a position to part-time when I need full-time work…) I’m somehow not worthy of a good opportunity (which is, itself, a short-term contract… so why the concern about whether I’m in it for the long haul)?

My heart wants to believe I got the job. My gut says there’s no f**king way I got the job. But then I go back to “why would you spend an hour with someone you aren’t going to hire”? Because I have had the 8-12 minute interview when the moment the interviewer saw me s/he knew that there was no job offer forthcoming but it’s rude (I guess) to say “there’s no point to conducting the interview, I’ve decided that since you are not built like/don’t look like Malibu Barbie I am completely uninterested…” But they do a cursory interview as if I am going to walk into their office, drop to my knees and give them a hummer that will convince them that I have the necessary “skills” to perform the job satisfactorily. ::SIGH::

And so… now… I wait.

So now…. I wait… (again)

Tuesday, I was contacted by an agency who has a job available working for the Borg. I’ve done contract work for the Borg before and this job is a piece o’ cake comparatively. Plus, it’s NOT working with the lovely (term used sarcastically) group of folks I work with at the moment. So, of course, I jumped on the opportunity.

Wednesday, I went and met with the agency rep. I am cautiously optimistic after the meeting. I could do the job without a problem. Now I just have to get in to meet with the Borg to convince them that I could do the job.

I am nervous. I am anxious. I could actually make a good living again.

So…now I wait. Again.

I’m glad I don’ t have to be you, redux

I’m not a difficult person to get along with. Yes, I am rather quiet and I understand that people find me aloof sometimes (not true, btw, I am just quiet because I don’t know you and am unsure of myself). I’ve tried very hard to have a good attitude about the place I am working now, in spite of having been called on the carpet about my “rudeness“, I’ve really endeavored to be positive in the workplace.

But today… Today my co-workers ONCE AGAIN all went off to lunch together. Without a word to me. One gal stayed behind but it was her CHOICE and she had been cajoled and almost BEGGED to join them. Not ONE WORD was said to me. Not “we’re going to lunch and we need you to stay and answer the phone”, not “we’re going to lunch”, NOTHING. And, yes, I HEARD them all planning to go to lunch but it bothers me that I don’t even matter enough to be given the COURTESY of being asked if maybe *I* had lunch plans.

And then the icing on the cake. The gal who is my supervisor called for the gal who had stayed behind. At that point there were TWO people at her desk talking to her, which I relayed. “Well, tell her it’s an EMERGENCY” and I did and she said to tell SupervisorLady that she was BUSY and would have to call her back. SupervisorLady then called the direct line and cell phone of the gal that had stayed behind REPEATEDLY. As if she didn’t believe that I had relayed the message. (I know who was incessantly calling because the gal that stayed behind bitched about it). She finally called SupervisorLady back and all SupervisorLady wanted was to know if she could bring something back for the gal that stayed behind.

HOW FUCKING UNBELIEVEABLY RUDE!! To speak to me and not even ASK if you could bring ME something but to call and call and call someone who didn’t even want to go in the first place and who didn’t want anything (not that I did, but that isn’t the POINT) and not even have the COMMON COURTESY to extend an offer to me. Wow. And it’s not even that I wanted or expected someone to buy me lunch, it’s that it wasn’t even offered to me and was strenuously offered to someone who sits FIVE FEET AWAY FROM ME.

The group at work go out to lunch together ALL THE TIME. They are all “Facebook Friends”. And I understand that you “bond” when you’ve worked together for years and years, but… to blatantly exclude someone, as they have done with me… how is that excusable? (And then to threaten my job because I am not “a team player”).

And yes, when I go out to lunch (ALONE), I offer to pick things up to bring back for people. Every time I’ve invited someone to lunch, I’ve been turned down.

I’ve bent over backwards to fit in. I’ve done favors. I’ve gone in early and stayed late and done all of the shit work that no one else wants to do without a single complaint. And it doesn’t matter.

And so, I have to say to yet another supervisor (at least here on my blog), “I am SO glad I don’t have to get up in the morning and be you.” Because I can’t treat someone like something nasty I stepped in even if they have given me a REASON to be less than nice to them (and I have HONESTLY done NOTHING wrong to any of the people I work with… nor am I rude, inappropriate or someone who has poor hygiene). In fact, they all went out today with the salesguy who has had HR in an uproar for his completely inappropriate behavior in the workplace (a rather “rough/crude” sense of humor). So, I really, REALLY don’t understand what I’ve done that is so wrong that I don’t rate even the barest of common courtesy.

I know I am a grown-up and I shouldn’t let things like things like this bother me and maybe it’s the fact that my co-workers (with the exception of the gal that stayed behind today and Mr. Inappropriate, the salesguy) are 5-18 years younger than I am and maybe there’s some weird age-related “thing” going on (in addition to the fact that I’m “not from around here”).

And so… the fact that I applied for a new job today (an agency called me) doesn’t bother my conscience at all. The sooner I can let all of this be a bitter memory, the better.

THANK GOD IT’S FRIDAY!!

It never fails to amaze me…

So, the other day we were supposed to have a conference call related to finance stuff. They rescheduled it at the last minute… (Whew! Dodged THAT bullet!)

Found out this morning that they rescheduled the call because “you (our team) weren’t ready for the meeting”… WTF?? we spent 2 hours prepping last week, we were in the conference room with our computers up and running and our phone dialed into the conference call number. How is that “not ready”??

Were we “not ready” because we didn’t have a plan to collect our goal amount? Well, I’ll let someone know when I can pull rabbits out of my ass because I will admit that it isn’t a current talent of mine. Were we “not ready” because we hadn’t updated our spreadsheet that morning? Well, if someone other than Tudie, who is on vacation until NEXT WEEK, had been given access, maybe would could have done something about that.
Plus, I found out this morning that they’re in hot pursuit of Super Collections Woman (an applicant for, basically, the job I am doing now who has a million six years of collections experience and apparently CAN pull rabbits (and maybe the occasional wild hare) out of her ass) and it slipped in conversation that someone was surprised that I didn’t interview for the open position… and when I looked confused, the person looked absolutely mortified. (Whoopsie!)
Wondering if, in an ironic twist, I should apply for the open job I found today (another dept. completely but within current company).

1 Goat Suit, please!

Tomorrow I have to sit in on a conference call. Conference calls are almost never fun. Worse when they involve finance, which this one does.

You know it’s bad when the Finance Lady calls me and asks for explanations (because Tudie is on vacation this week). Fortunately, I had them.

But, the reality of the situation is this. There is absolutely no way we can make our collections goal for the month without some of the accounts that are 90-300+ days past due paying. And the fact that they are 90-300 days past due tells me that they aren’t GOING to get paid.

Unless the equation includes “and then a miracle occurred”, there is no way the collections goal is getting met. Again. And I will be fighting the urge to tell them that I never claimed to wear sandals and walk on water so if they expect a miracle from me, they’re lookin’ to the wrong person.

I will, of course, do the best that I can. But, honestly, I can’t produce over a quarter million dollars on top of what we know and expect to get paid and if the collections folks at corporate have been unable to resolve the issues, what do they REALLY expect the TEMP to do?

Anyone know where I can rent a (scape) goat suit? I’d like to go into this meeting appropriately attired.